Screenwriting Survival

I can't tell you how many friends and associates of mine are having real problems trying to sell their scripts. I haven't had such problems, and I'm going to share with you one of my secrets to screenwriting success. The concept is bundling. I'm sure you have seen this in marketing. For instance, when you buy a steak knife set, they'll throw in a second set and a sharpener for free. Why not apply this concept to successful screenwriting? Imagine that you are trying to sell your screenplay for, say, $60K, a lot of money particularly by today's recessed standards. A buyer might look at that price and think, hmmm, do I really want this screenplay? Do I really need it? Now, imagine that very same buyer when presented with a bundle. For that same 60K, what if s/he will get not only your script, but also something else that s/he would find desirable? Your script could be combined with sex, for instance, oral sex. Now who wouldn't want to read a

Filmmaking is a collaborative art, and screenwriters are constantly having to take criticism. Often the very people who give us dumb notes criticize us for implementing them. In other words, we do their idiot notes, and when the result is bad, they blame us not themselves. It's hard to sit there with a bright eager smile at those times. It may help to invent a "code" that lets you express your justifiable anger in a constructive way. Here's my personal code in case it helps. I, Barton Bukowski, use this in development meetings. When I say "Interesting idea" it really means "That is the single dumbest idea in the history of humanity after syphilis" "Now that's food for thought" means "I would rather remove my own tonsils with pliers than put that idea in the script" "Cool" = "Crap" "No problem I can do that" means "Implementing your notes is a physical impossibility on the

IIt's important to make an emotional connection when you are pitching. Therefore, BEFORE the meeting, always do the FOLLOWING: Follow the person for several days before the pitch. Find out stuff about them, for instance, what they buy at Trader Joe's. Start out the meeting with, well, I notice that last night you bought the frozen barbecue chicken pizza while I was watching you at Trader Joes. What could be more personal than that? Go through their trash so you'll know their habits and intimate details. Drop highly personal information within seconds of meeting them to break the ice. "So how did your daughter Janie do at her seventh grade cheerleading tryouts yesterday?" Try rooting through their trash the night before to find any intimate personal tidbits you can bring up in casual conversation. "I noticed from your garbage that you were using Preparation H to treat hemmeroids." You can't break the ice better than that.

How many times does it happen? We spend days writing a new script, say a drama, only to learn from a friend at the coffee house that "dramas are so yesterday." Now suddenly the "in" thing is R rated comedy! Oh great. And you just wasted 2 weeks! What to do? Here is how to change your DRAMA into an R rated COMEDY in ten minutes or less, using the tried-and-true "find and replace" function of your script writing program: Replace "cancer patient" with "busy uptight hero" Replace "partner" with "boozy best friend" Replace "disease" with "hilarious bar bet" Replace "dies" with "drops the f bomb" Replace "cemetery" with "bedroom" Replace "death" with "sex" You ALSO may wish to have every other dialogue block conclude with the word "dude." For example: You have an incurable disease, DUDE. I don't love